how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
