the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You took a bar mat shot.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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