i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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