After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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