You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
