filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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