life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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