I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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