i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
