I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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