my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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