apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
