So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
