i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
