there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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