If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
