in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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