happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
