So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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