she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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