Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she peed on how many people?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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