what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
