NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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