watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
