Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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