Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
