Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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