the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
its liver damage thursday
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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