I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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