i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
