Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
