There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
