There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
