Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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