We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
