I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
