I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
