Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
