True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
