i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
