Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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