Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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