My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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