Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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