While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
