Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Randomize
