This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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