Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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