It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
