I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
