i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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