I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
