hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
