k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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