I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
