So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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