i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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