one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
