finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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