i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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