Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
