Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
