explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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