Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize