Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
