I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
