So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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