We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
