yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
