Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
