flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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