the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
