this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize