I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
