dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
